The Day I Had No Voice

Just before my parents came back and before I caught this chikungunya bull shit, they fogged in a neighbouring area, driving all of the Mosquitos to Wanstead Gardens. As I was being maul springed by the bitches I used this insect repellant my cousin left back and within 

10 minutes, my right tonsil went on me. I couldn't talk, I couldn't swallow and worst of all, I couldn't sing. 

I'm accustomed to driving mum's jeep with my music up to all and singing at the top of my lungs. That day, I had no voice. Everytime one of my favourite tunes came on I had no voice, I couldn't scream and shout and let it all out, I couldn't lose to win again, I couldn't let any bitch kill my vibe and I couldn't be flawless. That's when I realised, that I have a gift, one I don't use and maybe it's the avenue, finding the right one, but there is something about singing to others that feel what you feel. 

I have sung in almost every capacity, but there is nothing like singing the Holy Ghost spirit to some souls that need it, guess that's from coming up in the church. But I feel everything, once that spirit gets in my bones, whether it's jazz, RnB, Gospel and even Hip Hop, the way it comes out, I feel good and I feel happy. 

The day I lost my voice made me realise that we are given so many talents but it's up to us to choose how to use them. I might not use mine in the way I should, and I need to get back in that space , but I urge you to use your talents. Don't waste them. You never know what you'll be missing. You'll never know whose lives you will and can touch. 

Sing, Write, Read, do what you do best, but don't lose that voice. 

May the Road RISE to meet you! 

Gros Bisous

Vernée 

A Love Letter to My Body

Dear Body, 

  We've come a LONG way. From being a bit skinny to a lot chubby, to me hating you and then loving parts of you. Phew, it's been a ride. We still have a love/hate relationship but but what girl doesn't?  I'm here to tell you, despite your hammy thighs, chub chub tum and gargantuan arms, I am still somehow deeply in love with you. 

Dear Body, those two ingrown pinkies have been your birth mark since childhood, and nail polish covers them up very well, no need to fear your long big toe nail beds make up for everything and your slim and small feet make them beautiful. Stop stressing. 

Yes your eczema pulls a shadow on your smooth legs and makes even your greasiest foot look dry but baby that's why they made E45 cream. Knock those scabs out of the park.  

Unfortunately, we've let the thighs get away a but dem ain ugly yet, thick thighs and short pants tuh de wurl! 

Dear Body, can we skip the midsection? That's a work in progress. Thanks. But we can go to those boobs and say thank you grandmother for genes that you thought I needed to possess even though they're painful to all, but in the right bra and shirt, you know you love those babies, hell, you got a sternum tattoo with the excuse to show them off a bit. Good for you! 

Let us thank The Divine for these tiny hands, slender fingers and long nail beds. They are extra beautiful when I put on my rings. Boom! 

But again body, can we just excuse these enormous arms:- work in progress! Thank you very much! 

Now on to this face that I struggled with for YEARS. To my dimple, you bring me joy. To $6500 and 3 years of braces, I love to smile. Wha shoot, Ah gotta show off de man money. To this nose I flattened during 12 years of sucking my finger, I wouldn't change it for the world. And to these eyes that hold the keys to my soul, brown eyed girl, I love you so. 

To this hair that I never know what I want to do with, natural, loc'ed or straightened I love you nonetheless.

Finally to this skin, to this complexion I hated for at least the 1st 16 years of my life. To this velvety skin, skin so smooth, I never need to cream (well except my legs) I've finally accepted to salute you. I salute you because darkies rule. I salute you because I let society's idea of beauty tell me what you should be. I am sorry for all the years I was angry at you and unless my children strike back to their grandparents, I cannot wait to bring a beautiful dark skinned baby into this world.

To my body:-

You're all I have, and I'd rather love you and put on my cute clothes and flaunt than hate you. 

I must admit, that as much as my mind has lost its muchness, my booty is bigger and I'll accept that over being a raging diet-a-holic any day. 

I love you. 

Yours always,

Vernée 

May the road RISE to meet you. 

If this isn't Love

 Jazmine Sullivan started off with 'Nobody ever love me, quite like you, your love is like... I got a real good dude who loves me a lot and ain't no other man is gonna take his spot and I, I'm so happy you're mine, so imma love you a long time.'

These last three weeks have been a blur, but there was nothing more exciting than waiting to hear the gate open, those feet climb the steps, and keys turn the lock. 

Why?

Because my baby was home. I never realised our connection until we spent the last three weeks together. I guess it was more like an introduction to what living together would be like and even though he holds me at night like he's afraid that I'm going to leave, I've found myself craving that hug, falling asleep on his chest and even rolling over in the morning after being way to high off my meds even though I can never remember his kiss goodbye with the best part smelling his side knowing that he'll be home soon to give me annoying hugs and kisses.

I feel his pain and he feels mine but it hurts more when he is down mostly because I'm accustomed to being down. 

'If this isn't love, then tell me what it is cuz' I've never felt like this baby, if this isn't love, l o v e, what it means to me I o v e, if this isn't love'. 

Doesn't matter what you want to call him:- boyfriend, fiancé or Kyle this dude is or has done something to me. As I lay on his pillow and smell his cologne, I dread tomorrow night and sleeping alone.

To Kyle D. Barrow, an ode to you, for making me a better person, for standing by through 50 fucked up shades of Vernée and for being so amazing and annoying at the same time. To you my love, Everytime I put that ring on I already feel you in my soul.

Honey boo boo, your love is bright as ever, even in the shadows, baby take me, before they turn the lights out. My heart is calling and it's crashing into you, baby kiss me, before they turn the lights out. In the darkest night hour, I'll search through the crowd and baby you're all that I see, I'll give you everything, baby love me lights out. I love you like XO, you love me like XO, you give me more XO, I love you like XO, baby you're all that I see and give me everything, baby love me lights out, can you turn the lights out?

Funny how songs can fully explain how we feel right? 

Not now but forever. 

With endless words left unsaid.

These are the words from my head. 

Just Vernée